Making Room For Your Orphaned Self
In all my courses and workshops we have wonderful discussions about painting process, story, influences, why we create, inner narrative, dialogue, and meaning.
One interesting topic we explore in depth is the experience of creating a work and not liking it.
Sometimes we see these paintings as ‘ugly’.
Let’s Paint Some ‘Ugly’ Paintings
Years ago when I was painting landscapes and figurative abstractions my friend Sharon Mayes would call me and say: ‘Hey Nancy, let’s go paint some ugly paintings!’
It was incredibly liberating.
What if you allow yourself to paint whatever is coming through you at any given moment?
It’s freeing to just let these creations live…even the ones you deem ‘ugly’…and allow them to just be…to not go in and ‘fix’ them but rather to sit with them for awhile.
These experiences are so important. I believe this is a huge part of trusting yourself…
The Feast
I’m reminded of a story of a person having a feast. The groaning board of the table is laden with the finest fruits of the land and sea.
Wine and champagne fill the glasses to overflowing.
Steaming silver platters heaped high with succulent roasts and morsels round out the dreamy image.
The vision blurred through frosted windows.
Outside the glass house where the feast is taking place there’s an orphan with her nose pressed against the glass looking in beseechingly… forlorn and yearning to be invited in…
Will You Invite Your Orphaned Self To The Feast?
Will you invite back in the orphaned off parts of yourself? the parts you’ve rejected?
Will you allow yourself to experiment, explore and be astonished by what emerges?
Will you search and find your way as you paint?
Will you trust yourself?
Will you allow yourself to make ‘ugly’ paintings?
I believe that our so-called ugly paintings are absolutely vital to our journey and our experience as artists.
I believe that they’re often the nascent forms of something new that’s being birthed and sometimes they ARE the new thing!
It’s just that we’re having difficulty seeing or valuing it because it’s new, raw, and unfamiliar.
Let’s Live With These Raw Works
Hang them on your wall or store them away and look at them again in a week, a month, a year later and see what you feel.
You may find that what you found to be ugly is a work that is astonishing and alive.
This week in the course we’re delving into the mother lode topic of Composition.
I believe that ultimately composition is intuitive and is refined over time as our vision and voice evolves. Stay tuned for more on that topic!
With love,
Nancy
P.S. If you’d like to begin to lay the foundation of creating your deepest work by exploring your inner landscape and your big Why for creating, register for my FREE 7 Day Email Course: The Artist’s Journey: Creating Your Deepest Work. Here’s the link:
Holy cow. I’m just a few sentences into reading this post and the tears are streaming down my cheeks. So touching. Thank you for this.
Oh…I’m so touched by your words dear Loretta. Thank you! Much love, Nancy
Thank you Nancy for your wonderful insights. It all really makes sense as well.
Thank you so much for your kind and generous words Gary!
Thanks Nancy for giving us a new perspective on our ‘misfit’ paintings.
Well worth thinking about!
Meike
You’re so welcome Meike. Thank you for your kind words.
Thank you, Nancy, for sharing your depth of insight and breadth of knowledge. Reading thru your site, I feel expanded both personally and professionally and am eager to invite my whole Self to my painting to see what is revealed. P.S. I’ll even try to refrain from judging it an “ugly painting” and let go of my fear of wasting supplies. So glad I discovered you and your work!
Oh thank you so much Terri for you generous and kind words. I smiled when you referenced the “ugly painting” because just saying those words makes me smile and feels so freeing! Ah yes…the fear of wasting supplies…you’re not alone in that one! Somehow as I read your words about that I was reminded of Mary Oliver’s poem “The Wild Geese” where she says something along the lines of (I’m paraphrasing)…”you do not have to be good, you do not have to crawl on your knees for a thousand miles through the desert repenting…you ONLY have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves”.
And I’m reminded of a Zen Buddhist monk who asked: ‘What is your heart’s big desire?”
And I’m thinking…what if we allowed ourselves to have extravagant abundance in what it is that we love? What if we gave ourselves permission to take the thing that scares us (wasting supplies) and really let ourselves jump in…straight into the eye of that fear and use up huge amounts of paint…gallons and gallons…and miles of canvas…and reams of paper (go out and buy the 100 sheet BFK Rives 22″ x30″ paper) and activate every. single. sheet.
I think it’s so powerful to identify the specific fears and face them. And of course…analyze why they’re there in the first place..as in…why that specific fear? And as we identify these and move through them…and go ahead anyway…it’s so powerful and healing.
So again, thank you Terri. Your words really inspired me and brought up a lot of associations.
Big hugs, Nancy
Thank you Nancy for expressing these ideas and your convictions so clearly. I continue to be inspired by your guidance as I paint.
You’re welcome Margo! I’m delighted that you’re inspired by these ideas and I’ve enjoyed seeing your ongoing experimentation and evolution as an artist!
Thank you for the wonderful article Nancy! Terrific insights and inspiration to keep painting.
You’re welcome Ann! Thank you for your kind words. I loved getting to know you and seeing you paint in Asheville!