Why “Ugly” Abstract Paintings Matter
I’ve been thinking about so called “ugly” paintings lately.
I see artists in workshops and classes excited with the beginnings of their paintings…they love activating the canvas with stream of consciousness mark making or with intuitive gestural expressions/shapes/color fields…
…only to struggle with the middle of their paintings.
In particular, I see artists grappling with the issue of what I call the “ugly” painting…this is when you create a painting you don’t like…a painting that feels chaotic, frenzied, fussy or messy. A painting you deem unfamiliar and unrecognizable
And your impulse is to cover up the marks or obliterate the painting with gesso or throw the whole thing out.
Yet this amounts to a full scale disavowal and rejection of your newly emerging work.
It’s akin to disowning parts of yourself…the so called orphaned-off self which I’ve written about here in Making Room For Your Orphaned Self.
Why do I say this?
I believe “ugly” paintings threaten us because they’re unfamiliar, unruly and emerge unbidden without our consent.
They subvert our need for control.
It’s like experiencing a mutation causing unforeseeable consequences.
They’re unpredictable, unfamiliar, unrecognizable…and different than our recent work…
We don’t value them…and perhaps that’s why they seem “ugly”.
We’re blinded by our current mindset of what our art is supposed to look like. There’s supposed to be some kind of logical connection between what we created yesterday and what we create today…
And yet these expressions seem to come out of nowhere…threatening to undermine the thread of consistency in our creations. We can’t make sense of them. We have ideas of what we envision as a lovely painting and this unwanted visitor is not part of that picture.
I suggest to you that your “ugly” paintings are vitally important…in fact, probably more important by several orders of magnitude than the work you like and value
Why do I say this? How can this possibly be?
I say this because I believe these “ugly” paintings are the nascent embryonic underpinnings of your emerging work. They’re primitive forms gasping for breath as they’re desperately trying to be birthed…
And if you squash them or throw them out…what’s at risk?
You risk missing the moment of discovering something heretofore invisible in YOU trying to become visible
You may end up annihilating an entire future body of work…just because your current mindset can’t see and therefore won’t tolerate the possibilities for the future that this “ugly” piece holds.
This scenario plays out time and again and it’s akin to the story of the chrysalis and the butterfly.
The Adjacent Possible
There’s a concept in evolutionary biology that’s analogous to what happens to us on our artist’s journey. The Adjacent Possible.
The idea of the adjacent possible is that the act of moving forward creates a new set of next steps that would’ve been difficult or impossible to predict beforehand
Just as the chrysalis is the nascent form of the butterfly, the “ugly” painting is the raw essence of new, experimental work…
It’s the next step…the adjacent possible…in the evolution of your emerging body of work.
And the adjacent possible is vital to your evolution as an artist!
So if you crush the chrysalis…the butterfly never emerges…it never lives.
And so I ask you this…
Will you allow yourself to paint “ugly” paintings? Will you make room for work that’s trying to be expressed but that part of you immediately and unthinkingly rejects? Will you permit it to live anyway?
Will you create the space for deep experimentation…allowing unknown and unfamiliar images/shapes/marks/gestures/colors/compositions to emerge even though they feel uncomfortable?
And when the “ugly” painting emerges….will you value it? Will you see that “ugly” paintings come into your life bearing gifts if only you’ll receive them?
It’s time to create your deepest, most authentic art.
Let’s make room for both the paintings we love and the paintings that scare us…the ones we see as threatening…
Let’s make room for “ugly” paintings so we can create the deepest work of our lives
From my studio to yours,
Nancy
P.S. If you’re new to abstract painting and you’d like to explore how to activate the canvas by deeply experimenting…with freeing yourself up with intuitive, gestural mark making, check out my course: Activating The Canvas. You can read more about it HERE.
I too enjoyed this. Then my mind wandered to my ugly paintings. One in particular….. it is so wretched but I need to hold it. I don’t put on display in my studio , it’s leaning against a wall behind things and yet still visible. I can’t improve it because of the truth it is speaking. Flowers not so pretty clearly in a vase in a dark messy space. Originally I told my daughter for some reason I love it. I’ve kept it because it is ugly, it was painted not long after my son passed. Since his passing most of my work has been florals . Which I never before painted “ things”. I was all abstract expressionist. I now have many florals I enjoy, but my ugly floral well that is my mourning florals the other are my gratitude bouquets. Gratitude comes from the fact I shared life with this delightful human my son. Mourning the loss is ugly and messy. I can’t and wouldn’t change that, but it’s his life I celebrate in the beautiful ones.
I think I’ll frame it now.
Thank you
Lori
So many thanks for this Nancy. I love reading all the comments too. Amusing stories – I’ve laughed out loud – and enlightening. .
I seem to have loads of ugly paintings on the go all over my studio. I dollop unused paint onto them coz I hate wasting paint. So anything left over from the day goes onto a random board or canvas. I’ll work on these too hoping for something special. Eventually they get so thick there are layers of crusty oil and wax and collage which I can peel off. Sometimes this is interesting but most of the time I’m faffing about yes experimenting yes freely making marks on them some days and some days not.
My problem is expecting them to eventually ‘turn’ into something new, something I like. And whether to keep them even though they are ugly. When do I stop the ugly painting? Is it finished only when it ‘turns’ – and takes me back to my usual acceptable style? It’s very scary not knowing. Glad I’m not alone in this shilly-shallying around the studio.
This is very interesting. I’ve just discovered you Nancy and really like the directions you take and the generosity with which you offer them.
Now you’ve got me wondering about this idea of embracing the ‘ugly’ paintings. Surely there are paintings that really are -too false or too busy or too muddled or too dull or too tentative – When I look at works of mine that fit that category I see them more as learning tools, on what does ‘not’ work for me. And I paint over and scrape and paint over and scrape and many times I can end up with something that I like, that I feel works.
Is that a philosophy or strategy I should abandon if I want to paint ‘truly’?
If my ‘ugly’ paintings frighten me, (or more accurately, depress me) it’s usually because they make me realize how little artistic talent have!
Thanks so much Dee. I feel that painting is paradoxical. I was talking with an artist about this the other day…how on the one hand it can be valuable to take some of our disliked paintings…the ones we find “ugly” and keep them (even put them up on the wall) and see how we feel about them over time (perhaps a few months).
I’ve found that some of the paintings I initially felt repelled by I later liked…or at least saw that they were the embryonic forms of emerging work. On the other hand, there are “ugly” paintings that just don’t work, that we’ll never like…and they’re important too. Much like playing an instrument. If you never hit a wrong note or flub the rhythm you’re not pushing yourself…you’re playing it safe…likewise if we never make “ugly” paintings or paintings we don’t like…we’re staying in the predictable zone which is the death of creativity. So, yes, some of these “ugly” paintings one might tear up and use as collage or cover over with gesso or work back into or just throw away entirely.
I like how you take the ones you don’t like and work back into them. I’ve done that too and sometimes quite amazing things happen. There can even be a freedom in this because there’s nothing to lose and sometimes that gives us radical permission to just go in there and experiment and take big risks.
It’s as if we’re resurrecting the painting. It sounds like you’ve got plenty of artistic juice!
Thank you again for writing Dee!
I am sitting at this moment looking at an “ugly” painting that has gone from ok to awful to pretty ok to ugly over the course of days. I am allowing the acceptance of it but also wondering what it is that sees these perspectives. Is it “balance, value, color, composition???” And I don’t now know. So I proceed with your very accurate description of progressing through it … wondering what’s next.
Nancy Hillis, I love what you’ve said here.
It’s my experience that if a painting has been difficult to resolve, the emotion connected to that, disappointment, confusion – that frustration, colours what I see when I come back to the painting. It’s like a child who is being difficult – you love the child but are frustrated by the behavior and for a brief time, you like that child a little less than usual.
This is not a conscious response but the emotion clouds the aesthetic, gets in the way of seeing what’s true and good about the painting. After some time passes, the frustration lessons and the structure and beauty – the truth of the painting comes into focus. This happens before your eyes; it’s a transformation in oneself, not in the painting.
lessens…
Beautifully spoken, Julie. Thank you for your kind words as well.
This is my first post and I too was grateful and moved to hear of other “ugly” paintings…I want to paint freely and abstractly but that little voice in my head is always there taking it apart and ripping away any good feeling I had about this “child”. yes, I think of my paintings as children…and want them to be well received…hard to do if they don’t get that feeling in the studio with me.
So my ugly ducklings will get a chance…I will try.
It’s so relieving to allow yourself to paint something “ugly” and see the beauty and wonder in it.There’s tremendous freedom and self compassion in that. This was such a liberation when my friend Sharon Mayes beseeched me to come paint “ugly paintings” with her. There’s so many ways to look at this…another that comes to mind is that in order to search, find our way, explore and experiment…we’ve got to be willing to have strange, awkward, unfamiliar, “ugly” works emerge. After awhile we start to realize that “ugly” is good, “ugly” is to be welcomed, applauded, excited about. We turn the concept on its head. Thanks so much for writing Keri!
I am replying to Lyn Wilson’s post as much as to your writing Nancy – this morning your website arrived in my life as a gift from the Universe. Sounds corny, but …. Thank you for your generosity with advice and insights. I struggle daily with “imagery”, and think endlessly about “what am I saying” , “why bother, it’s going nowhere”. .
Thank you for your kind words Ann. The fears and self doubts around creating are myriad…we all grapple with them in varying forms. You’re not alone! We’ve just got to keep going anyway!
Nancy Hillis … I did an abstract piece yesterday (heavy, swirling globs of black, raw sienna, red and was thinking of adding some coarse salt for texture somewhere along the line but hadn’t got to that point yet). I loved it! I walked away when the phone rang. When I came back, about an hour later, I hated it! I thought “add some drips to make it look more intense or more complex or more dramatic …. or something” . I did that and hated it. I added more drips in a different colour and hated it even more!. Finally, in exasperation, I took my palette knife and scraped all the thick paint right off the canvas. It felt exhilarating while doing it, but soon realized I hated that result too! My husband and son came home, looked at it and loved the piece! I was flattered and pumped up that they like it …. but about an hour later I was walking by my room where I paint…. took a look and still hated it! I couldn’t help myself. I grabbed my brush and added yellow ochre in big brush strokes and hated that effect. Finally gave up in exasperation. Woke up this morning, went in to my room .. and hated it even more!! I painted Raw Sienna over top of the yellow ochre and most of the body of the painting. Hated that too! I pretty much got so frustrated I walked away,cleaned up brushes, etc. and went to my computer to procrastinate ( LOL … or think??). In surfing around, one site led me to another and sometimes the serendipitous magic happens …. and guess whose site I found …. and guess which one of your blogs popped up for me right away ? Your “ugly” painting blog!! OMG Nancy!!! Thank you so much for expressing exactly my feelings .. and fear of the unknown (I was interpreting it as frustration with my lack of ability!) .. and putting it to paper!! I have just spent over an hour savouring and soaking up all of your incredible feelings of art. Got choked up and shed a few tears too! You hit some buttons in me, big time! I’m going to put my big girl panties on and get back in there and do whatever the hell I feel like doing at the moment!! Whatever hits me (!) .. and let that painting ‘be’. No changes … no embellishing .. zippo! Just raw “go for it gusto!” Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Wow! I’m deeply moved by your response Lynn! You made my day! I love how serendipitous these things can be. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your process! You make me feel not alone!! I am getting more comfortable with the awkward, ugly painting as I have experienced first hand the magic that follows when I accept it as is and allow it-the ‘ugly painting’ to show me where to go! Love that part of the process!
I just did a painting of a large tree in a landscape. I was painting along, knowing I had a good composition but it felt stagnant… Anyway, when I had the first layer of paint down defining the areas,I looked at it and thought, “aaa, how boring!” So I flipped it around and actually found it exciting when I put it on one side. I gave up on the landscape and approached the painting as abstract. I felt alive again while I was painting. New exciting shapes developed, things I would not have consciously painting!! That is what I love about painting! And the older I get the more I can tell the voice that says, What are you doing? This is play. Who do you think you are, having this kind of fun when other people are working. If you don’t sell this painting you are wasting money, etc to SHUT UP! Ha . Love this site and and all that Nancy Hillis shares about the creative process and generously shares it with the rest of up! Keep painting! Dos
Oh you’re so welcome Roslyn. Thank you for writing! You’re definitely not alone in this process of creating paintings and dealing with the middle of the painting and the “ugly” painting. I love hearing about that ever familiar inner dialogue of self doubt and inner criticism and finding a way to play, explore and experiment anyway! Thank you for your kind and generous words dear Roslyn. Keep painting!!! Much love and big hugs, Nancy
But I wonder, what is your final result? Very keen to see, plz mail me darshana.parajia@gmail.com
I’m going through same situation 🙁
Thanks Nancy for your insightful and inspiring articles. What you’ve written about ‘ugly’ paintings reminds me of a painting I was struggling with which I kept going back to and painting over, feeling frustrated that it was’t coming together. I finally said to the painting in exasperation, what do you want from me? And immediately, I received the answer – love. I was surprised and responded by consciously sending love to the painting. I felt relieved and continued working on it with a renewed enthusiasm realizing that by letting go of my resistance to my ‘ugly’ painting, a space opened up for what was asking to emerge to come forth, and it is one of my favourite paintings.
Thanks again – I always enjoy reading your articles. Heather
You’re welcome Heather. Thank you for your lovely message. Oh I love how your painting spoke to you and the message that it needed love! Isn’t painting a wondrous and mysterious experience? I love being surprised by what emerges. Thank you again Heather! Nancy
Thank you for this article. I’ll keep it in mind when painting especially since I have decided to take my art work seriously. You thoughts on ugly painting is truly inspirational.
Thank you so much dear Suzana. I deeply appreciate your kind words. Warm regards, Nancy
Thank you for your insightful writings Nancy. This one really spoke to me and I remembered an early experience I had that was quite profound at the time, but I had forgotten about it until I read your post. Back in the 90’s I had taken a Stuart Cubley workshop (one of the authors of The Painting Experience). During our painting time he asked me how it was going and what I thought about my painting. I remember telling him, I thought it was too busy and I wasn’t sure about where it was going. He told me to make it busier! I thought it was crazy, but I went with it and it was as if a beautiful, new world had opened up to me. It was as if the inner criticism had been blocking all these wonderful possibilities. I had no idea and was completely astonished. I guess I now should try making my paintings uglier and see where that will lead. Thank you Nancy for helping me recall that memory. I will cherish the ugliness.
Hi dear Lisa! Thank you for your sweet words. What a wonderful story of coming back to yourself…of moving past the inner criticism , the doubting/strategic mind…to a place of allowing whatever it is that’s trying to come through you to be expressed. Yes! Let’s embrace radical self acceptance! Let’s embrace the so-called “ugly” paintings. Thank you for sharing this story of ‘aha’ and transformation Lisa! Big hugs, Nancy